I want to preface this post with the following video. I posted this to my Instagram Story on February 28, 2025 (7 days after my 30th birthday and just a few hours before I literally leapt into this massive shift that my Birthday Trip brought me). https://youtube.com/shorts/v3AsuB_H0c8?si=u4fUqpJhm9yNGTzp
THE BIG 3-0
I've been thinking about writing this for awhile now...with the intention of sharing these words with the world. Because this birthday, this trip was so transformative for me, my momma, and my sis. It provided us time and space to embrace stillness and peace away from the shit show that is and has been the "United" States of America. There was so much healing that took place on this trip...on every level: subconscious, conscious, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, energetic, etc.
And this healing was expansive..sometimes subtle, but ever-present throughout the entire trip. This healing was individual and it was collective. We were blessed with so many different exposures and opportunities to try new things, to dictate our pace, to remind us of and re-ignite our power, to reconnect and align us with our true Goddess energies. And while we were doing our own individual healing, the healing that only connection can provide was well underway.
But lemme zoom out and start this story from the beginning. My amazing, light-filled Momma surprised me with a weeklong getaway to Cancun. She watched me slowly let my birthday travel plans wane into non-existence and decided to intervene. And so, one week away from the big day..we secured our flights to Playa del Carmen, where one of the many resorts we have our family timeshare resides. The jungle was calling me.
Fast forward to February 21st, arguably the best day of the entire year. The BIG 3-0 had arrived and I woke up with this intense heaviness - felt entirely in my chest and torso. Now, I’ve reached a point in my healing evolution where I can identify what that feeling is. This heaviness was familiar, but it was so INTENSE! I implemented my usual tools/remedies..and while they were helpful, the heaviness lingered. My day of travel/vacay appointments began and that heaviness was lingering. I finally made my way to my lash appointment and decided to do my favorite shadow integration meditation, while my lash tech was doing her thing.
A couple minutes of breathwork and body scanning and (boom) there they were - the emotions my Shadow self so unapologetically presented to me: grief and anxiety. Anxiety was to be expected, I usually experience some iteration of it before travel, especiallly with my last-minute-packing tendencies. But grief was interesting. That was the big one I felt in my chest. A clenching. I embraced the parts of me that were vibrating on those frequencies and lovingly released them.
In this journey, I’ve learned that over analysis of a feeling or emotion can be counter(productive). So instead of obsessing over the root of the grief, I simply acknowledged and let it flow on out of me, (smoked a lil something something) and carried on with my errands. So I’m driving, when suddenly, something inside and outside of me simultaneously opened up, and a golden light washed over me bringing so much warmth and realization/understanding/clarity. A weight had certainly been lifted off of me - because the source of the grief finally hit me.
I was mourning a part of me that was slowly dying. And the death was actually welcome. The haze was gone, the veil was lifted and I could see the wound / insidious shadow that had attached to me and leeched off of me for years: this part of me that truly believed “I am (was) not enough” - an old ass childhood wound that had insidiously followed me my whole life, masquerading as shyness or cynicism or something else altogether. Little did I know, this persistent learned /inherited behavior started to disguise itself as a core belief and would show up in every area of my life. And as time went on, I slowly started to mistake it as a part of my identity — more prevalently these past few years.
And when 30 came, that part of me died. The birthday trip that followed was life-changing. I am so grateful I got to spend it with my momma and baby sis - it provided a pathway to healing that we all needed.
I JUMPED FROM OVER 20FT INTO A CENOTE!
I ZIPLINED THROUGH THE LUSH JUNGLE.
I COMMANDEERED AN ATV AS IF A BOND VILLAIN WERE IN HOT PURSUIT.
And I did all of these things so effortlessly…as if I do them everyday. (Never done any of that before).
I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE PAMPERED AND TAKEN CARE OF BY THE PHENOMENAL STAFF AT OUR RESORT. I HAD THE BEST MASSAGE AND FACIAL I’VE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE. I KICKED BACK AND JUST LET MYSELF BE.
Who could’ve guessed how foreign that could feel?
Not anymore! Now it’s all I do. I am allowing my Self to just be. I am allowing myself to flow graciously and gracefully. I am allowing myself to shine. I am constantly reminded of my power and my capacity to thrive in any space.
30 has brought me bliss. 30 has reminded me of the abundance that is me. 30 has reignited me. 30 has reawakened me. 30 has empowered me to reclaim my power. 30 has reminded me how to shine the bright ass light that is me. And I’m loving every minute of it. Cheers to Dirty 30.
Rise and Shine, Goddesses and Gods. Love y’all!
And thank you to my momma who made this whole trip happen. I love you so much and am so grateful for you and to be of you. You are phenomenal, and I am so proud of you!!!
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